Well folks, I have to admit that the end of my career in retail is far more shocking than I thought it would be. Don't get me wrong, it's an ABNOSOME relief to be gone from the oppressively negative work environment generated by the company I worked for, but I will miss all the crazy people I worked with. My last day was full of some bittersweet goodbyes, but I know that my new path in life and all the adventures it brings me will be well worth the time I spent stocking shelves to get there.
Considering that this blog was created as a means for me to vent my feelings about my work environment and how much I felt like it was destroying me, I have had a lot of time to look back and realize that I also have some fond memories of customers and the people I worked with.
Of these, I would most like to thank my department supervisor. She has been there through eight years of alternating joy, misery, stress and rage (on both sides) through many aspects of work and personal life. If it hadn't been for her decision to make me responsible for training my coworkers those long years ago, I would never have made those discoveries about myself that helped me figure out what I was really supposed to do with my life. She put me in positions that forced me to get in touch with the inner leader I didn't know I had. She drove me to excel in all aspects of my life, and I will miss her more than I have words to express.
I have one final parody to place here before this blog is done for good, but at the moment life beckons...
Sunday 18 August 2013
Friday 12 July 2013
The Final Countdown
I'm leaving here finally!
At last, it's farewell!
The end date is coming:
I'll be free from Hell.
I'm still eating brains--
Taking folks to the ground.
Let the feasting begin...
It's the final chow down!
The final chow down.
Er...final countdown.
The final countdown.
I'm heading for freedom
In lands far away.
For now I'm still stocking
With much left to pay.
Not long left to go now...
How time slips away...
For now I'll eat brains
Until liberation day!
It's the final chow down!
The final chow down!
Grrrr...aaarrrggggghhhh
It's the final chow down!
I mean final countdown!
No, I guess it's chow down.
I'm leaving forever.
I'll miss some of you so.
But chow down in my honour
'Cause it's time to go!
It's the final chow down!
At last, it's farewell!
The end date is coming:
I'll be free from Hell.
I'm still eating brains--
Taking folks to the ground.
Let the feasting begin...
It's the final chow down!
The final chow down.
Er...final countdown.
The final countdown.
I'm heading for freedom
In lands far away.
For now I'm still stocking
With much left to pay.
Not long left to go now...
How time slips away...
For now I'll eat brains
Until liberation day!
It's the final chow down!
The final chow down!
Grrrr...aaarrrggggghhhh
It's the final chow down!
I mean final countdown!
No, I guess it's chow down.
I'm leaving forever.
I'll miss some of you so.
But chow down in my honour
'Cause it's time to go!
It's the final chow down!
Saturday 18 May 2013
FREEDOM IS COMING!!!!
Time's gone by
And I'm still not free.
The Company
Still owns me
And no one really cares about it,
Do you?
Well that's fine
Because I don't give a fuck,
I've suddenly experienced
A change of luck.
My chains are my own
And I'm running with them.
The future I worked for
Is mine at last.
In a few months' time
My hell will be passed.
No longer am I a soul in pain
For time is giving me a new brain.
Time is slowly counting down
The number of my days
In the hole that fills with haze.
My sorrows will soon be cured
By an open door that for once
Only opens one way.
The time is coming
And I am more than ready
To be a living human once again.
And I'm still not free.
The Company
Still owns me
And no one really cares about it,
Do you?
Well that's fine
Because I don't give a fuck,
I've suddenly experienced
A change of luck.
My chains are my own
And I'm running with them.
The future I worked for
Is mine at last.
In a few months' time
My hell will be passed.
No longer am I a soul in pain
For time is giving me a new brain.
Time is slowly counting down
The number of my days
In the hole that fills with haze.
My sorrows will soon be cured
By an open door that for once
Only opens one way.
The time is coming
And I am more than ready
To be a living human once again.
Monday 26 November 2012
More Like Me
Welcome to the Company!
It's good to meet a tasty newbie,
But your twisted mind is good to see.
Now I have a friend who's just like me.
See here I am, just sad and bored.
I exist to move out the stockpiled hoard
And sometimes wish there was a Lord
When all I ever saw was guts and gore.
Then in you walk
And you know the talk,
And you do not balk
When I say They don't give a "fawk."
Obviously I'm not a Company "man,"
But as a veteran zombie, you understand.
Step on out and give a hand
Promote the truth, not the brand.
By the time this reaches the net
No doubt we will be friendlier yet.
That it's taken so long is my regret,
But you're one of the few I'll never forget.
'Cause in you walk
And you know the talk
And you do not balk
When I tell you They don't give a "fawk"
I'm glad you can talk about your troubles,
So let's cope by making theirs double.
We'll seal ourselves in our own little bubble
And blow this f***ing place to rubble.
Step on out and lend a hand
Cause we don't belong to the "Man."
We're the ones who understand
It's about the truth and not the brand.
It's good to meet a tasty newbie,
But your twisted mind is good to see.
Now I have a friend who's just like me.
See here I am, just sad and bored.
I exist to move out the stockpiled hoard
And sometimes wish there was a Lord
When all I ever saw was guts and gore.
Then in you walk
And you know the talk,
And you do not balk
When I say They don't give a "fawk."
Obviously I'm not a Company "man,"
But as a veteran zombie, you understand.
Step on out and give a hand
Promote the truth, not the brand.
By the time this reaches the net
No doubt we will be friendlier yet.
That it's taken so long is my regret,
But you're one of the few I'll never forget.
'Cause in you walk
And you know the talk
And you do not balk
When I tell you They don't give a "fawk"
I'm glad you can talk about your troubles,
So let's cope by making theirs double.
We'll seal ourselves in our own little bubble
And blow this f***ing place to rubble.
Step on out and lend a hand
Cause we don't belong to the "Man."
We're the ones who understand
It's about the truth and not the brand.
Metamorphosis
A period of growth
Coming to an end
In bitter sweetness
And new friends
The way I see things
Is completely changed
This Hell was necessary
As a stepping stone to later
So long have I been
A leader, a comrade,
A mentor, a friend
To those in this giant box
And now I must
Lead the world
Within my tiny space
In a temple built for knowledge
My putrefaction
Is a means to an end
That gets closer
Every day
The undead cannibal
Still flourishes inside this box,
And my pessimism toward humanity
Thrives within and without
But I sense
Great change on the horizon
And its immanence
Makes me unbreakable
Coming to an end
In bitter sweetness
And new friends
The way I see things
Is completely changed
This Hell was necessary
As a stepping stone to later
So long have I been
A leader, a comrade,
A mentor, a friend
To those in this giant box
And now I must
Lead the world
Within my tiny space
In a temple built for knowledge
My putrefaction
Is a means to an end
That gets closer
Every day
The undead cannibal
Still flourishes inside this box,
And my pessimism toward humanity
Thrives within and without
But I sense
Great change on the horizon
And its immanence
Makes me unbreakable
Tuesday 15 May 2012
Dona Eis Requiem Sempiternam
National Health and Safety month:
At the moment a period of irony.
One of ours just lost her lifelong sweetheart
In a workplace accident.
We may be dead of soul
But we band together
To support each other.
With her, we mourn.
We review our health and safety
Every year. Twice a year.
This time these reviews have a bitter tang.
Now they bear mortal relevance.
When people explain health and safety protocols
Listen to them.
It is bad enough to be maimed by stupidity.
It is bad enough to be injured because of recklessness or arrogance.
It is a worse injury to your loved ones if you die.
To ignore them would be to let her down.
To ignore them would be to dishonour him.
To ignore them would dishonour all
Who tragically lost their lives at work...
In a manner that was avoidable.
Dona eis requiem sempiternam...
Honour them by being safe at work.
At the moment a period of irony.
One of ours just lost her lifelong sweetheart
In a workplace accident.
We may be dead of soul
But we band together
To support each other.
With her, we mourn.
We review our health and safety
Every year. Twice a year.
This time these reviews have a bitter tang.
Now they bear mortal relevance.
When people explain health and safety protocols
Listen to them.
It is bad enough to be maimed by stupidity.
It is bad enough to be injured because of recklessness or arrogance.
It is a worse injury to your loved ones if you die.
To ignore them would be to let her down.
To ignore them would be to dishonour him.
To ignore them would dishonour all
Who tragically lost their lives at work...
In a manner that was avoidable.
Dona eis requiem sempiternam...
Honour them by being safe at work.
Another Beginning
Now is the start
Of a new school term,
When I tear myself free
From flesh-eating worms.
But I walk through
These doors again,
And in my head
They burrow and den.
A darker self
I cannot hide
Is a soul-less slave,
A Capitalist corpse-bride.
New-hire child--
They send you to me
To learn the ways
Of the Retail Zombies.
I'll walk you through
The growing pains
And teach you how
To feast on brains;
To navigate
In time you too
Will swell the rout
Of those who died
From the soul on out,
Unless you flee.
Adjust to the gloom
Of Un-life
In a Supermarket tomb
Of a new school term,
When I tear myself free
From flesh-eating worms.
But I walk through
These doors again,
And in my head
They burrow and den.
A darker self
I cannot hide
Is a soul-less slave,
A Capitalist corpse-bride.
New-hire child--
They send you to me
To learn the ways
Of the Retail Zombies.
I'll walk you through
The growing pains
And teach you how
To feast on brains;
To navigate
In time you too
Will swell the rout
Of those who died
From the soul on out,
Unless you flee.
Adjust to the gloom
Of Un-life
In a Supermarket tomb
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